Today was hot. Yesterday was hot. Last weekend, nay, all of last week was hot. Plus, we lost a precious hour of sleep on Sunday and then Mulch and I went to Disneyland on Monday for his birthday.
Needless to say, I’ve been exhausted this week. Heat+less sleep+Disneyland. Bone tired.
Yet here I am, 12:08 AM, wide awake listening to the bugs sing their night song and cars whiz down our one block street as if it was the entrance to the 101 (newsflash: it is not. So, slower is better for the world).
It’s been a while since I wrote to the internet world here. So much has happened. So little has happened. And of course, my mind has continued to think, think, think. Always thinking, always searching, always dreaming. Any of you like that?
Particularly, I spent a lot of time thinking about the book Jane Eyre.
February taught me:
1. I am not very patient.
2. Patterns are tough to break.
3. Jane Eyre is Queen.
How did I never read Jane Eyre until I was 24? There is a fantastic dream of a Jane Eyre movie on Netflix right now starring Mia Wasikowska and Michael Fassbender. One sleepy, lonely evening while Mulch was at work I watched it, initially because the cover of the movie was intriguing and the same guy who directed the first season of True Detective directed it. I half expected some dark, philosophical victorian-era romance with creepy stick structures and southern accents (True Detective fans get it), but I was happily surprised to see he did just as good of a job directing a dreamy victorian anti-romance as he did a gritty thriller TV show.
And I say anti-romance because Jane Eyre does not fit into a neat little Jane Austen character mold. She is self-restrained, passionate, sacrificial, and free. Oh, she is great! The movie actually interested me so much that I downloaded the book on my kindle and read it within a week.
The author, Charlotte Bronte is genius, and Jane Eyre’s rich, wild inner commentary could not be captured on a screen (though they did quite a good job capturing it implicitly). The book was incredible. Exquisite. I have watched the movie TWICE since then, and have read up extensively on other’s opinions of the books. Ha.
What I loved most was how counterintuitive to America’s #yolo youth Jane Eyre’s decision-making was. We are told and many believe that richness is found in indulgence, that fullness of enjoyment is in total abandonment to desire. Follow your heart! they tell us. Give into desire! is the constant refrain.
Miss. Eyre lives quite differently, preferring to maintain her integrity, exercise self-control (in a restraining AND a literal autonomous way), and refuse to dishonor herself by doing something she knows she could never truly live doing—even if her heart or head tells her she should. UGH. I wish I could give you details and context, but you will just have to read it or watch it for yourself.
Well, my eyes are getting heavy, which indicates that there may be a chance I will fall asleep before 1:00 AM. Maybe more Jane Eyre commentary will come later. Maybe not.
Goodnight moon! Goodnight stars! Goodnight singing bugs and goodnight internet world!